Tuesday, July 13, 2010

More Beverly Hills...creepy sexist rapist teacher

School has started again and everyone's excited, except Dylan. Duh, he's juggling 2 girls now who happen to be best friends. Not smart.

You should have gone David's route and hooked up with some chick who's not from your town. Except, uh oh...she's transferred here. Good lord, I could see that coming a mile away.

David realizing he's never going to have sex with Donna.

Andrea is really excited to be a senior (for like the 6th year in a row) and can't wait to introduce Brandon to their new faculty advisor for The Blaze. Even Jason Priestly, who's at least 23-24 isn't buying Gabrielle as a 17 year old. Look at his face. Priceless.

Brenda, Steve and Donna agree to be senior "buddies" to some incoming freshman/transfers. Look, it's the girl from The Nanny and Beethoven!

And apparently she's really into the 70's fashion revival that hit us all in 1990. Plus, she's totally pulling a Stephanie K. from Degrassi.

Shannon is shocked. "I didn't get the memo to wear a cute (ugly) vest, instead I wore all black! It's New York cool right?"

Kelly and Dylan have Spanish together. If I could speak espanol I would write something sort of sexy, ooh la la here. Fail.

Fuck, Brenda is in the class too. Look at how evil she is. I totally wanted her bangs in 7th grade though.

Dylan knows he's in hot shit. It's only a matter of time before this all hits the fan. You're still adorable though.

And look who Donna's buddy is! I'm shocked. It's f'ing Nikki. The girl David cheated with this summer. Predictable plot twist.

Oy ve. Remember last year, when nobody liked me and now I have girls falling all over themselves to get in my hammer pants.

New English teacher/faculty adviser suggests Andrea let Brandon be chief of The Blaze this year. hello, The Blaze is like totally Andrea's life. And has been since 1985! You can't ruin her streak!(by the way, first time I saw this, I got the weird rapist vibe, not sexist teacher)

Kelly works out aggressively and bitches about Brenda & Dylan while creepy David watches. Gross.

Andrea has had enough! She's tired of your wanna-be James Dean hair Brandon, and she's not going to put up with it anymore. (she's quitting the paper)

What the crap Dylan, Brenda found a dangly clip-on earring at your place, and it IS NOT HERS! She only wears hypoallergenic earrings from Claires, not these trashy things.

"I just switched my whole schedule around to save your ass. You're welcome. No wait, I didn't do this for you. I did this for me! Because I am a feminist, and refuse to let some scum bag boy make me feel bad. And you won't be getting into this babydoll dress anytime soon"

Oh my god, it's The Nanny girl and her grunge biker gang. Except Donna drops the bomb that Nanny girl is actually Scott (you know the guy who was in the 1st season of BH90210, but wasn't very cute, so they killed him off in season 2 by making him accidentally shoot himself in the face? Yikes)'s little sister. Brenda feels dumb for not remembering who he is. Don't worry Bren, most of us forgot about him too.

Andrea basically calls teach out on his sexist bullshit. It's actually kind of awesome. No snark here.

Post tongue-lashing depression.

What do you mean about having the same great taste in guys? I know we buy the same off the shoulder tops from The Rave, but that's all we have in common right?

Donna we did not have sex. Just making out with a little tongue...and I might have given him a BJ in his parents cabana. But it didn't mean anything to me! Don't blame David, he's such a great guy! Blame me! Slutty transfer student!
(no really, this character pretty much calls herself a slut)

Time for Brenda Walsh pep talk. "I didn't really know your brother. But I was at the party where he was shot. So you know, we have that bond."

Co-Chiefs! Perfect solution. Andrea can do all the work and Brandon can take most of the credit.


What are you doing? I love Donna. I just don't know how to tell her that I can't keep it in my pants, and her dad won't write a storyline where we lose the big V together, and it's just so hard....

Busted. But ha ha, we're just playing a trick on you. Together. Because we're besties now, and making you miserable is our new favorite past time. Hi-five sista.

So I'm still holding out for sex....but we can kiss a little.

Kelly, you're just lonely. We need to find you a dude as cool as my cool-rider Dylan. Wah-wah.....credits

Monday, July 12, 2010

Beverly Hills 90210...we're all a bunch of whores

Good lord I haven't posted in ages. But I've worked my little patoot off just to bring you a recap of a random episode of Beverly Hills 90210, season 3. To be exact, it's episode 6, entitled "Castles In The Sand".

To catch you up to speed:

Brenda and Donna have gone to Paris for the summer. The Walshes are pissed at Dylan, and don't want Brenda to keep seeing him, leading to much arguing, sneaking around and then the eventual ticket to Paris. (Geez, I wish my parents would send me to Europe when I sassed them.) Brenda meet some hottie midwest college student (pre-Superman Dean Cain) and convinces him she's really french, then hooks up with him the last few days before they go back to Beverly Hills.

Back in the BH, Brandon is working at beach club, again, and dating some girl that Steve might have gone out with? I missed episode 5, so I'm a little lost. Also, Dylan and Kelly have been spending time together and keep accidently making out. Oh and David cheated on Donna too. Woops. Everyone is cheating. So that's about it.

I have never wanted to be Shannen Doherty's neck more, than in this still from the intro/theme song. Dylan Mckay is just straight up nuzzling. Good lord

Uh oh, someone spent the night on the beach together. But they didn't have sex. That is very clearly stated. Kelly looks like she's going to murder Dylan with an axe. However, if I woke up next to Luke Perry, I'd probably have the same crazy look on my face too.

Brandon actually thanks Brooke (his new lady) and her computer skills for making that ridiculous welcome home sign. For some reason this made me laugh really hard. He acts super impressed. And maybe that was impressive for 1993 and I just can't remember that far?

Brenda's home. Cringe, you can just see this ending badly.

Nothing like a little lady time in the bathroom. Eew Brenda's smoking now that she's back from France. And she's wearing a seriously awesome body suit. Do you remember how awful those were when you had to pee? You had to freaking unsnap them.

Oh shit Kelly, the lovebirds are back together.

Please don't murder Dylan. He's my favorite part of the show.

Oh and in case you forgot, David and Kelly's parents got married last season. So, you know, he waltzes in shirtless with a toothbrush in hand to console his step sister Kelly, who he used to be in love with. WEIRD. Also weird: Megan Fox is now married to that.

This is called foreshadowing. In a few minutes, Brooke is going to complain that Brandon doesn't kiss her in front of people. Which is kind of a bizarre thing to say, because these two spend most of the episode making out or yelling. Oh yeah and Brooke will from now on me called racist girl. There's some more foreshadowing for you.

I also wanted to say how much I LOVE Donna. Tori Spelling is the comic genius of 90210. Plus her sunflower bikini is so 90's and I kind of want it.

Brandon and racist girl start fighting because she said some really uncool shit. Like Brandon's boss Henry can't be fired because he's black. Look at that smile. Also, complains about the making out. (see picture above!)

Here's Brandon getting (deservedly) really pissed. It looks like he going to pull a Jake & Vienna on her. ("Don't undermine me! Stop interrupting me!")

"I feel like an awful friend and a slut. And now I'm all by myself while everyone has fun."
Boo, you whore. Just kidding. I love Kelly. I just like to quote Mean Girls whenever possible.

Is she wearing body suit or a bathing suit? It's so hard to tell the difference.

So there's this whole sand castle contest (boring) and Andrea and a bunch of kids win. Crazy racist girl makes some remark about how Andrea's last name is Zuckerman, so she must be a rich spoiled Jew. Seriously. And then tries to play it off because it's meant as a "COMPLIMENT" Ugh....

And Brandon's like "really? seriously? You're a good kisser and all, but I'm not down with the KKK. I think we should break up". It also looks like he has to poop.

Racist girl tries to woo him back with her mom hair and spandex, but he's just not having it.

Meanwhile, the beach club is having this big end of the summer bbq, and guess whose performing? Holy crap, it's David Silver, pre-rap career.

Look at those dance moves!

Henry's kind of impressed.

The Walshes aren't buying it. Cindy and Jim are too cool.

Steve just looks like he's trying not too fart. I enjoy taking stills of people looking like this.

"Bren, why are you sad?"
"I f'ing cheating on you dylan! I'm an awful girlfriend!"
"You did WHAT?"

"aww it's ok. Just don't do it again. And I'm not going to tell you that I spent the entire summer (i.e. the last 5 days) hooking up with your best friend. Love you, mean it!"

Five minutes later...oops.

I seriously the love the shit out of early 90210.