Beverly Hills 90210...we're all a bunch of whores

Good lord I haven't posted in ages. But I've worked my little patoot off just to bring you a recap of a random episode of Beverly Hills 90210, season 3. To be exact, it's episode 6, entitled "Castles In The Sand".

To catch you up to speed:

Brenda and Donna have gone to Paris for the summer. The Walshes are pissed at Dylan, and don't want Brenda to keep seeing him, leading to much arguing, sneaking around and then the eventual ticket to Paris. (Geez, I wish my parents would send me to Europe when I sassed them.) Brenda meet some hottie midwest college student (pre-Superman Dean Cain) and convinces him she's really french, then hooks up with him the last few days before they go back to Beverly Hills.

Back in the BH, Brandon is working at beach club, again, and dating some girl that Steve might have gone out with? I missed episode 5, so I'm a little lost. Also, Dylan and Kelly have been spending time together and keep accidently making out. Oh and David cheated on Donna too. Woops. Everyone is cheating. So that's about it.



I have never wanted to be Shannen Doherty's neck more, than in this still from the intro/theme song. Dylan Mckay is just straight up nuzzling. Good lord



Uh oh, someone spent the night on the beach together. But they didn't have sex. That is very clearly stated. Kelly looks like she's going to murder Dylan with an axe. However, if I woke up next to Luke Perry, I'd probably have the same crazy look on my face too.



Brandon actually thanks Brooke (his new lady) and her computer skills for making that ridiculous welcome home sign. For some reason this made me laugh really hard. He acts super impressed. And maybe that was impressive for 1993 and I just can't remember that far?



Brenda's home. Cringe, you can just see this ending badly.



Nothing like a little lady time in the bathroom. Eew Brenda's smoking now that she's back from France. And she's wearing a seriously awesome body suit. Do you remember how awful those were when you had to pee? You had to freaking unsnap them.



Oh shit Kelly, the lovebirds are back together.



Please don't murder Dylan. He's my favorite part of the show.



Oh and in case you forgot, David and Kelly's parents got married last season. So, you know, he waltzes in shirtless with a toothbrush in hand to console his step sister Kelly, who he used to be in love with. WEIRD. Also weird: Megan Fox is now married to that.




This is called foreshadowing. In a few minutes, Brooke is going to complain that Brandon doesn't kiss her in front of people. Which is kind of a bizarre thing to say, because these two spend most of the episode making out or yelling. Oh yeah and Brooke will from now on me called racist girl. There's some more foreshadowing for you.



I also wanted to say how much I LOVE Donna. Tori Spelling is the comic genius of 90210. Plus her sunflower bikini is so 90's and I kind of want it.



Brandon and racist girl start fighting because she said some really uncool shit. Like Brandon's boss Henry can't be fired because he's black. Look at that smile. Also, complains about the making out. (see picture above!)



Here's Brandon getting (deservedly) really pissed. It looks like he going to pull a Jake & Vienna on her. ("Don't undermine me! Stop interrupting me!")



"I feel like an awful friend and a slut. And now I'm all by myself while everyone has fun."
Boo, you whore. Just kidding. I love Kelly. I just like to quote Mean Girls whenever possible.



Is she wearing body suit or a bathing suit? It's so hard to tell the difference.



So there's this whole sand castle contest (boring) and Andrea and a bunch of kids win. Crazy racist girl makes some remark about how Andrea's last name is Zuckerman, so she must be a rich spoiled Jew. Seriously. And then tries to play it off because it's meant as a "COMPLIMENT" Ugh....



And Brandon's like "really? seriously? You're a good kisser and all, but I'm not down with the KKK. I think we should break up". It also looks like he has to poop.



Racist girl tries to woo him back with her mom hair and spandex, but he's just not having it.



Meanwhile, the beach club is having this big end of the summer bbq, and guess whose performing? Holy crap, it's David Silver, pre-rap career.



Look at those dance moves!





Henry's kind of impressed.



The Walshes aren't buying it. Cindy and Jim are too cool.



Steve just looks like he's trying not too fart. I enjoy taking stills of people looking like this.



"Bren, why are you sad?"
"I f'ing cheating on you dylan! I'm an awful girlfriend!"
"You did WHAT?"



"aww it's ok. Just don't do it again. And I'm not going to tell you that I spent the entire summer (i.e. the last 5 days) hooking up with your best friend. Love you, mean it!"



Five minutes later...oops.

I seriously the love the shit out of early 90210.