Beverly Hills 90210...we're all a bunch of whores

Good lord I haven't posted in ages. But I've worked my little patoot off just to bring you a recap of a random episode of Beverly Hills 90210, season 3. To be exact, it's episode 6, entitled "Castles In The Sand".

To catch you up to speed:

Brenda and Donna have gone to Paris for the summer. The Walshes are pissed at Dylan, and don't want Brenda to keep seeing him, leading to much arguing, sneaking around and then the eventual ticket to Paris. (Geez, I wish my parents would send me to Europe when I sassed them.) Brenda meet some hottie midwest college student (pre-Superman Dean Cain) and convinces him she's really french, then hooks up with him the last few days before they go back to Beverly Hills.

Back in the BH, Brandon is working at beach club, again, and dating some girl that Steve might have gone out with? I missed episode 5, so I'm a little lost. Also, Dylan and Kelly have been spending time together and keep accidently making out. Oh and David cheated on Donna too. Woops. Everyone is cheating. So that's about it.



I have never wanted to be Shannen Doherty's neck more, than in this still from the intro/theme song. Dylan Mckay is just straight up nuzzling. Good lord



Uh oh, someone spent the night on the beach together. But they didn't have sex. That is very clearly stated. Kelly looks like she's going to murder Dylan with an axe. However, if I woke up next to Luke Perry, I'd probably have the same crazy look on my face too.



Brandon actually thanks Brooke (his new lady) and her computer skills for making that ridiculous welcome home sign. For some reason this made me laugh really hard. He acts super impressed. And maybe that was impressive for 1993 and I just can't remember that far?



Brenda's home. Cringe, you can just see this ending badly.



Nothing like a little lady time in the bathroom. Eew Brenda's smoking now that she's back from France. And she's wearing a seriously awesome body suit. Do you remember how awful those were when you had to pee? You had to freaking unsnap them.



Oh shit Kelly, the lovebirds are back together.



Please don't murder Dylan. He's my favorite part of the show.



Oh and in case you forgot, David and Kelly's parents got married last season. So, you know, he waltzes in shirtless with a toothbrush in hand to console his step sister Kelly, who he used to be in love with. WEIRD. Also weird: Megan Fox is now married to that.




This is called foreshadowing. In a few minutes, Brooke is going to complain that Brandon doesn't kiss her in front of people. Which is kind of a bizarre thing to say, because these two spend most of the episode making out or yelling. Oh yeah and Brooke will from now on me called racist girl. There's some more foreshadowing for you.



I also wanted to say how much I LOVE Donna. Tori Spelling is the comic genius of 90210. Plus her sunflower bikini is so 90's and I kind of want it.



Brandon and racist girl start fighting because she said some really uncool shit. Like Brandon's boss Henry can't be fired because he's black. Look at that smile. Also, complains about the making out. (see picture above!)



Here's Brandon getting (deservedly) really pissed. It looks like he going to pull a Jake & Vienna on her. ("Don't undermine me! Stop interrupting me!")



"I feel like an awful friend and a slut. And now I'm all by myself while everyone has fun."
Boo, you whore. Just kidding. I love Kelly. I just like to quote Mean Girls whenever possible.



Is she wearing body suit or a bathing suit? It's so hard to tell the difference.



So there's this whole sand castle contest (boring) and Andrea and a bunch of kids win. Crazy racist girl makes some remark about how Andrea's last name is Zuckerman, so she must be a rich spoiled Jew. Seriously. And then tries to play it off because it's meant as a "COMPLIMENT" Ugh....



And Brandon's like "really? seriously? You're a good kisser and all, but I'm not down with the KKK. I think we should break up". It also looks like he has to poop.



Racist girl tries to woo him back with her mom hair and spandex, but he's just not having it.



Meanwhile, the beach club is having this big end of the summer bbq, and guess whose performing? Holy crap, it's David Silver, pre-rap career.



Look at those dance moves!





Henry's kind of impressed.



The Walshes aren't buying it. Cindy and Jim are too cool.



Steve just looks like he's trying not too fart. I enjoy taking stills of people looking like this.



"Bren, why are you sad?"
"I f'ing cheating on you dylan! I'm an awful girlfriend!"
"You did WHAT?"



"aww it's ok. Just don't do it again. And I'm not going to tell you that I spent the entire summer (i.e. the last 5 days) hooking up with your best friend. Love you, mean it!"



Five minutes later...oops.

I seriously the love the shit out of early 90210.

I'm sorry I'm so lazy

Just wanted to apologize for being such a slacker on the blog. I have a variety of excuses but here's some fun pictures I googled first to show the depth of my sincerity:






My excuses are:
*My 'e' key is sticking. true. It's driving me up the GD wall. Every...fuck, just typing that was a chore. Anyone have any good tips on how to fix this?
*My internet has been taken away. After a good year of mooching high speed off my stupid neighbor, she decided to move. Clearwire hasn't sent my boyfriend and I a second modem yet.
*I've been re-reading a LOT of 80's YA books. A LOT. I just got a batch of real books from the library, which means I'll have to put Sweet Valley High "The New Jessica" aside, and that's really ok with me.

I have some blog posts planned, including one sparked by my recent purchase of the Complete Daria, of favorite 90's MTV shows. I'll try to get on that.

A playlist for the ladies...and eyelash curler curiousity

Today, I tossed out the $3 eyelash curler I've had for six years, went down to Sephora and bought myself a REAL one. (AKA one that didn't come from the discount bin at Walgreens)

I truly had no idea the difference it would make. Seriously, this is what curled eyelashes look like? Ok, I get the hype. I bow down to you eyelash curler.

Also, I thought I would post a playlist on here, since I work in a record store and most of my apartment is overrun by vinyl and stacks of CD's. I don't seem to talk about music much on this blog, but perhaps that's because I'm surrounded by it for most of my day. The thrill of discovering stuff has sort of worn off. But here's a mix I made last winter.

Ladies to Knit Too
(I feel like it's a nice playlist any 'ol time, but especially when I'm sitting on my couch in the knitting zone)


01. El Perro Del Mar - Dog
02. Glass Candy - Computer Love
03. Electrelane - Saturday
04. Cibo Matto - Suger Water
05. The Breeders - Night of Joy
06. A Fine Frenzy - What I Wouldn't Do
07. BLOW - True Affection
08. Crystal Castles - Crimewave
09. Elastica - Car Song
10. All Girl Summer Fun Band - Parallel Park
11. Blonde Redhead - Equus
12. Bjork - Possibly Maybe
13. Emily Haines - Our Hell
14. Aislers Set - Hit the Snow
15. Camera Obscura - Eighties Fan
16. Holly Golightly - Tell Me Now So I Know
17. Azure Ray - Nothing Like A Song

lady boner for Glee

I seem to go through phases of being totally obsessed with a current TV show, and right now I am really into Glee. If you didn't catch the amazing Madonna episode last week, I highly suggest going to Hulu or downloading the ep off iTunes. My current favorite character (besides Jesse St. James, but that's just because Jonathan Groff makes my vagina quiver), is Brittany, played by Heather Morris.

She of little words, but who probably brings the funny more than even Sue Sylvester, and that's saying something. Classics include:
"Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?"
"When I pulled my hamstring, I went to the masogynist"
"um.a male duck." (when asked if she knew what a ballad was)

I seriously love her. And, I just realized that she's one of Beyonce's main backup dancers for the last tour! My brain exploded with pop culture goodness. Here she is at the Grammy's:


So fierce, it hurts. Does anyone else enjoy Glee as much as I do?

nostalgic trip into my 12 year old bathroom

I was at the drugstore the other day, and came across something I had blanked out of my mind.


Teen Spirit ACTUALLY existed and it's somehow still being mass produced! I think this blew my mind. Now, it's odd that I had shelved this in some dark cavernous part of my brain because this deodorant inspired a classic grunge hit. I should KNOW THIS. But for some reason, I kind of thought it was all a weird pre-pube dream I had from back in the day. No. They really made this shit, and I bought a truck load of it. Not only was there the deodorant, there was also the shampoo and conditioner. Which probably competed in my shower stall with:


Salon Selectives. Every girl I knew in middle school would strut down the hall, swinging her apple scented hair thanks to this product. I really loved it. I don't think it's on the market anymore which is too bad.

Also, seemingly on the way out is Jane cosmetics.

When Jane first came out, I was totally obsessed. I blame Seventeen magazine and their huge marketing campaign for the new brand. It was cheap. It came in cute packaging. They had little mini lipsticks to try out for only $1, and I could fill my caboodle with them.(Let's not even start on Caboodles. I had like 6 of them.) I actually still used Jane powder and eyeshadow up until about a month ago, when I realized I just couldn't find it anymore. It's a shame. I feel like my youth is dying.

How is Jane dying, and Bonne Bell still huge?

Almost every girl I know had a load of lip smackers in her backup. This seemed to be a great "first makeup" along with clear mascara. Thanks mom. Maybe if I layer on enough Dr. Pepper, it'll actually make me look like I'm wearing some. Or that I have fruit punch mouth. It just inspired me to steal her aqua eyeliner and color my whole eyelid with it. Oh well. Bonne Bell is still around, and every once in a while, I'm suckered into buying some sort of smelly gooey lip gloss thing. The vanilla is especially yummy and tastes like frosting.

And everyone also wore this? Right?

Another long lasting trend, Baby Soft came out in the 70's and became the classic "go to" girl perfume. I definitely wore this in the 80's, probably dousing myself in entire bottles. I wonder if they still make it? I'd love to get my hand on a bottle and see if it still smells as nice as I remember.

And lastly, the dreaded Sun-In.

Tempting mousy haired brunettes into thinking we would have gorgeous blond waves if we just sprayed a little of this chemical in our hair and sat out in the sun for a few hours with a Christopher Pike book. The result was horrifying. I spent most of my teen years with a brassy orange mop on my head thanks to Sun-In. My mom was dead set against me coloring my hair, but somehow I thought sneaking Sun-In wouldn't be noticeable. As soon as I graduated high school, I spent a good chunk of graduation money on professional highlights. And you know what? Now I'm just back to plain brown, and I kinda like it.

What the frack

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?


I am so confused. Nicholas Cage has always been pretty fug, but seriously? SERIOUSLY!!!!!

That being said, I'm actually really excited to see Kick Ass:

(for the record, this is the PG trailer. This movie is rated R. You can watch the red band trailer if you search for it)

I'm addicted...to celebrities attempting to foxtrot

Does anyone else watch the trainwreck known as Dancing With the Stars?

I have to admit, I can't stop watching. I have been addicted for for the last couple of years, and it's really the only competition/talent show I watch. I don't even mess with American Idol. So You Think You Can Dance? Whatever. America's Got Talent? Zzzzzz.

My big beef is that there's always some pop tart who has been dancing since she/he was five, who unfairly kicks ass (see past contestants: Joey Fatone, Drew Lachey, Scary Spice etc. Currently: Nicole, the Pussycat Doll). Then there's the gymnasts and ice skaters. I'm not saying they have a totally unfair advantage because ballroom dancing is difficult. But I'm more impressed by the non-dancers who learn how to perform and connect with an audience, to memorize routines and get their 8 counts.

I have to say I'm super pissed that Shannon Doherty got kicked off first tonight. I was totally team Brenda. So now I've only got one couple I'm really rooting for and that's Niecy Nash and Louis!



I fell in love with Louis last season when he danced with Kelly Osbourne. And how can you not love Niecy? She hosts Clean House, which was one of my favorite Style network shows when I had cable. She's always wearing an awesome flower in her hair (I'm hoping for a coordinated one for every DWTS dance). And tonight, when asked about one of her fellow dancers being voted off, she responded:

"It makes me sick to my stomach...and kind of hungry."

I LOVE HER.
If you watch the show, please vote for her, because not only is she shaking her "jiggly parts" and doing really well, she brings the funny.